Why I have not been so present or active

Some of you already know. While others have waited to find why Baking Momma has not been so active here on the blog. I did not want to bring the following to this blog for different reasons. But part of me felt maybe you just needed to know. I have been real ill for many years. I have battled as much as I could. I had even taken a year off of medicines and doctors. I felt I needed to see if my body really needed all this stuff. As the year has gone by I felt myself getting worse. For years I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. But as the year went by I felt there were new things added on to my symptoms. I made a promise this year to my family that I would go back to the doctors. But I hate going to the doctor. They never have anything good to tell me. Well back when I got sick with Bronchitis and went to the first doctor. I knew that there was something else wrong. It has been about 2 months and I am still with this nasty cough. I have been through about 20 different types of test including lab work that was 6 pages long. Well they found something wrong with a few of my organs and they sent me back in for more test. Well they also ran more labs. This Friday I was diagnosed with a severe case of Systematic Lupus. I always had a feeling this was what I had. Since yes I do google everything! I started keeping photos of things that were happening. I kept a journal at home and online. So that I would be able to better help my specialist. Now in the middle of all this craziness I have to have surgery tomorrow. Life has been crazy here. I have to take care of me. I have to take care of my family. Who seems to be breaking down around me. My lupus is affecting my lungs, kidney and liver. So right now it is a mess. Honestly though I am the one that is the most calm about all this. I mean what can I do? I can’t change it. Crying over it will not make it better. So I just have to roll with it. Pray for the best and take it as I can. What hurts me the most is looking into my family eyes and seeing the sadness that they feel. This is really kicking my butt and at times I cant even get out of bed. I am so sick and nauseas and dizzy. Among the organs giving me problems I have others going along with it and right now I am really trying to get everything straight. My life, health, family and baking! Now don’t get me wrong cause I read daily. But sometimes just looking at the screen will make me sick. Sometimes the arthritis is so bad I cant type. I am so lost right now. I am emotionally, physically and financially drained from all this. But one of the things that keep me smiling is when I see all the creativity and the stories. I do have another blog where it is my online diary of what’s going on in my life. Everything and Anything will be there. If you would like to follow along www.marasdiaryoflife.blogspot.com. It is a place for me to vent. A place for me to laugh and a place for me to cry.

I thank you for taking the time to read this and know that I will be back. But for right now I have to just read rather than post.