Sunday, February 21, 2010

Why I have not been so present or active

Some of you already know. While others have waited to find why Baking Momma has not been so active here on the blog. I did not want to bring the following to this blog for different reasons. But part of me felt maybe you just needed to know. I have been real ill for many years. I have battled as much as I could. I had even taken a year off of medicines and doctors. I felt I needed to see if my body really needed all this stuff. As the year has gone by I felt myself getting worse. For years I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. But as the year went by I felt there were new things added on to my symptoms. I made a promise this year to my family that I would go back to the doctors. But I hate going to the doctor. They never have anything good to tell me. Well back when I got sick with Bronchitis and went to the first doctor. I knew that there was something else wrong. It has been about 2 months and I am still with this nasty cough. I have been through about 20 different types of test including lab work that was 6 pages long. Well they found something wrong with a few of my organs and they sent me back in for more test. Well they also ran more labs. This Friday I was diagnosed with a severe case of Systematic Lupus. I always had a feeling this was what I had. Since yes I do google everything! I started keeping photos of things that were happening. I kept a journal at home and online. So that I would be able to better help my specialist. Now in the middle of all this craziness I have to have surgery tomorrow. Life has been crazy here. I have to take care of me. I have to take care of my family. Who seems to be breaking down around me. My lupus is affecting my lungs, kidney and liver. So right now it is a mess. Honestly though I am the one that is the most calm about all this. I mean what can I do? I can’t change it. Crying over it will not make it better. So I just have to roll with it. Pray for the best and take it as I can. What hurts me the most is looking into my family eyes and seeing the sadness that they feel. This is really kicking my butt and at times I cant even get out of bed. I am so sick and nauseas and dizzy. Among the organs giving me problems I have others going along with it and right now I am really trying to get everything straight. My life, health, family and baking! Now don’t get me wrong cause I read daily. But sometimes just looking at the screen will make me sick. Sometimes the arthritis is so bad I cant type. I am so lost right now. I am emotionally, physically and financially drained from all this. But one of the things that keep me smiling is when I see all the creativity and the stories. I do have another blog where it is my online diary of what’s going on in my life. Everything and Anything will be there. If you would like to follow along www.marasdiaryoflife.blogspot.com. It is a place for me to vent. A place for me to laugh and a place for me to cry.

I thank you for taking the time to read this and know that I will be back. But for right now I have to just read rather than post.

21 comments:

  1. Hi,

    This made me cry :'(

    I'm so sorry for you :(. Hope things look up for you soon.

    BB

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  2. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I hope you and your family can work through this together. Sometimes you will be strong for them, and sometimes the other way around. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I have been reading your blogs.. I am into baking as well. But I am still starting. I would like to go to a baking school but since I am working as well I do not have time so I do internet research myself. From there I was able to bake some of my cakes. Your blog was a major help for me to learn things in baking. Youve been so helpful and informative. I hope you will get well soon. You will always be in my prayers.

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  4. Good Gracious, I have to say that I had a suspicion it might be lupus. I miss you I want you to treat yourself really well and do whats only right for YOU. I am going to pray in earnest and hard that your pain leaves, I think of you whenever I am hurting. Seriously. I always pray that you wont have headaches either. Please when you are up to it let us know how you are after surgery. Breathe deep feel loved, know I miss you and that I understand. Blessings sweet lady! You got this Mama. Email me!

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  5. Wow, hope the new diagnosis will help you feel better ~ can't imagine what you have been going through. Get well!

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  6. I will be keeping you in my prayers. I wish you the best and I will be looking forward to see you soon baking your yummy treats.

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  7. You will be in my thoughts and prayers..

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  8. It makes me feel sad to read this!
    I don't like people getting sick and
    I just hope that you get well.
    Take Care of yourself and God is with you always.

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  9. I'll say a prayer! I'm so sorry you are in such agony!

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  10. Im so sorry, this really made me sad. But I applaud you for keeping strong and still battling through everything. We'll keep you in our prayers! I hope surgery went well.

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  11. We've already spoken and you know I'm sending you some serious get well vibes! Hope the surgery went well and I'm hoping over to see what's what.

    Btw, hope your mom's finger is better!
    ~ingrid

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  12. I hope that your surgery went well and that your doctors are finally finding the right treatment for you so you can start to feel healthier and well again.

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  13. Wow, I have to say that you have touched me deeply. I have never seen your blog until uprinting posted it as blog of the week, but, I am so thankful! Of course your health issues and you and your family will now be in my prayers...I promise that. But also, I am so loving your site! You are awesome! I am Cindi, and you are now on my daily prayer list, and my daily Blog to read (cause you have tons of stuff I have to catch up on and try for myself!) You are an inspiration!

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  14. Here I am just meeting you and i find you are unwell and it breaks my heart :( i am so very sorry to hear this! My best friend has lupus and my 2 other good friends have fibromyalgia? What the heck is going on, why oh why???? If you need a pick me up or a little valpal i am always around ;) Congratulations on being blogger of the week!!!

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  15. Hi - I'm a newbie to your blog. I found it thanks to you becoming UPrinting's latest Blogger of the Week - which seems like you richly deserve! I've poked around your blog for a bit and am impressed with everything you do. Great blog!

    I know things seem dark right now - and hard. Very hard. I know the hills seem steep and never-ending. I also know the feelings of helplessness, fear of the unknown, and just being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    The dr's thought I had lupus for several years. Then it was this. Then it was that. Then it was back to lupus again. I was finally diagnosed with Cushing's Disease about a year or 18 mos ago. My Cushing's is on my pituitary gland, not on my adrenal glands - altho it affects my adrenals. I can so thoroughly understand where you're at - and I remember the relief I felt at finally having a diagnoses, but the anger, sadness and fear I had at hearing the news.

    I don't have any answers - and many days, it takes all my strength and energy to get on the computer and take care of my kids...but I promise it will get better. I don't know about the symptoms, or if they improve with time and medications...but the shock of the news will wear off, you'll get used to it, and you'll reach a place of acceptance. So will your family. I swear there will come a time when it isn't the focus of every conversation and every thought you have. Believe me.

    Keep your eyes focused forward. Don't lose sight of your goal - which is to feel as good as you can. Please feel free to email me any time if there is anything I can do. I mean that. Join an online support group if possible - it makes a big difference. They will understand why you can't be real active right now - but will also provide you with great comfort, support and advice.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers - and I will be sending positive vibes your way. I'll keep checking in on you. Just realize you aren't alone - I may not have exactly what you have, but I can empathize and I understand. Lean on those around you - including those online. Most of all, take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do to take good care of you. You're a strong woman and I know your mental strength will go a long way in getting you through this.

    xx,
    Katherine
    queenkatherineATgmailDOTcom

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  16. Hi -- I read your post. You have gone through so much. You are so strong to take a stand against your health. I wish you all the best with your surgery. Take care of yourself.

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  17. I'm a newbie to your blog from UPrinting. I'm praying for you. If you want to talk, please feel free to contact me. I have multiple chronic illnesses. Sometimes talking to a stranger who likes to listen can help. Take care of you (((HUGS)))

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  18. Prayers that your on your way to a healthier you. I can never imagaine what your going through I just hope that things are getting better for you.
    Congratulations on making blogger of the week on Uprinting. Hope it lifts your spirits

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  19. Popping over here from the UPrinting site. I want to add my well wishes to the others, that the doctors are able to help you manage your illness and that you are soon able to get back to the things you love to do.

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